Funny Quotes Kids Say About Their Mom

40 Funny Mom Quotes That Are Laughably Relatable

By

Jennifer L. Betts

Jennifer has been a substitute teacher and paraprofessional in the public schools. For more than 25 years, she has also worked as a tutor for special-needs students.

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| Teacher

Updated December 2, 2021

Being a parent is no easy feat, but motherhood is also full of immense joy and humor. You can capture the lighthearted side of parenting with some funny mom quotes that will keep everyone smiling. A hilarious one-liner for moms makes a great addition to a card or tweet on Mother's Day, birthdays, or any day! If anyone deserves a chuckle, it's those hardworking, selfless humans who answer to "mom."

Funny Mom Quotes That Prove Moms Are Saints

Everyone needs a laugh now and again, especially moms living in the middle of the madness that is raising humans. Laughter keeps moms focused on the fun parts of parenthood. All parents will relate to these giggle-worthy quotes.

• You wrestled a bear? Cool. I removed a splinter from a two year-old's finger. I think we're even.
• If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn't get all the magic.
• Stepping on a LEGO land mine at 4:30 a.m. while holding a baby and not falling should be an Olympic sport.
• Have you ever just ignored your children when they said, "Mom," just to see how far they will go? So far we've made it to 256.
• Are you even a mother if you don't yell, "Get in the car!" twenty times each morning?
• Some days the only way you stand a chance at surviving is to serve all-beige food, turn on YouTube and let the kids hang out pantsless.
• Having a second child is like riding a bike... except the bike has no brakes, it is speeding down a hill, and the tires are on fire.
• The true test of patience is watching your child try to zip their coat themselves when you are running late.
• If you enjoy a clean home, relaxing weekends, and long romantic meals, then parenthood isn't for you.

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Relatable Famous Funny Mom Quotes

These famous mommies know a thing or two about bringing on the laughter and raising kids. Their words and experiences are so relatable, they prove that no matter how rich and famous you are, to your children you are simply the snack fairy.

• "When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you." - Nora Ephron
• "No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too." - Chrissy Teigen
• "Two year-old referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them." - Rebecca Caprara
• "Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future." - Amy Poehler
• "It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn't finish." - Carrie Underwood
• "If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children." - Susan Savannah
• "I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them." - Reese Witherspoon
• "Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse." Nia Vardalos
• "Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life." - Mindy Kaling
• "I've conquered a lot of things ... blood clots in my lungs - twice ... knee and foot surgeries ... winning Grand Slams being down match point ... to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!" - Serena Willaims

Bathroom Adventure Funny Mom Quotes

If you are a mom, well, then it's been a while since you've gone to the bathroom alone. Get a laugh out of these funny quotes about every mother's strange relationship with the bathroom.

• You know you're a mom when you stop daydreaming about a million dollars and start daydreaming about how amazing it would be to go to the bathroom alone.
• I'm unsure when my going to the bathroom turned into a family meeting, but I should definitely contact HR. Oh wait, that's me.
• A mom only truly understands the meaning of rage when your child walks past everyone else in the house to find you in the bathroom to open their juice box.
• One of the simple pleasures of parenting is locking yourself in the bathroom with a handful of your children's Halloween candy.
• If you want your child's full immediate attention, try using the bathroom alone.
• If you stare longingly at your bathtub more than you do at your partner, you might be a mom.
• Nothing pairs better with a long soak, candles, and wine than a four year-old pressed against the bathroom door repeating the phrase, "Mom, are you in there!"

Funny Mom Quotes About Sleeping

All mothers know that rest and slumber is the elusive unicorn in life. You've heard tales of it, some claim to have seen it up close and personally, but you yourself have yet to witness its glory and splendor. Laugh about your sleep pains with these funny mom quotes.

• Sleeping like a baby is a lie. I want to sleep like my grandpa on Thanksgiving.
• Telling your kids you will see them in the morning is the greatest lie ever told. You will see them ten more times within the next hour and probably twenty more times before the sun rises.
• Woke up to two toddlers and a kitchen covered in flour. But I slept until 7 a.m. so we are going to call that a win.
• Child: Mom, I'm scared there's a monster under my bed. Mom: If there is a monster under your bed, please tell him to read you stories and get you drinks, it's about time he earned his keep.
• Have you ever noticed that the camaraderie between siblings is never greater than when the word "bedtime" is uttered? They seemingly in unison become dehydrated, giggle monsters scared of absolutely nothing.
• The first five years of parenthood is like a 2 a.m. game of Twister in your bed. And you are always the loser.
• You can have eight hours of sleep, or you can have children. You cannot, in fact, have both.

Funny Mom Quotes About Food

When you're a mom, it's like you're always cooking but never eating. Get a laugh out of these funny food quotes to brighten any mom's day.

• I never thought in my life I would have to yell more than once, "Don't lick that." But I was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was.
• That brown stain on your fingers could be chocolate, but it's also just as likely not to be. Better not risk it.
• Motherhood: That moment when you are searching for your child's misplaced Halloween candy that you ate last night.
• Who knew you could ruin a child's day simply by serving milk in the wrong colored cup?
• When you become a mother of toddlers, your biggest fear suddenly becomes running out of cheese sticks and chicken nuggets.
• Dreams of a mother include: seeing your child graduate, witnessing your kid find true love, and someday finishing a meal without having to get up and retrieve more ketchup.
• 90 percent of parenting is passing out snacks and counting down the minutes until nap time.

Motherhood: You Just Have to Laugh

Many moments in motherhood will test your patience beyond your wildest imagination. When you feel your blood begin to boil and the threat of tears looms ever so close, remind yourself to laugh at and be unbothered by the craziness and to simply enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime ride. Mamas, we are all in this together!

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